No talking. No typing. No washing dishes.

Now that my almost two year old has become amazingly verbal, I am understanding more clearly his demanding personality and reflecting on how frequently he communicated with cries before he found words. Now that he has discovered the precision of the spoken word, I am understanding the amount of attention and the quickness with which my attention has been given to him over the past two years.

'NO TALKING'

This is Samuel's new catch phrase when Wesley and I are talking. It started out cute, you know the first time he said it...so emphatic with his little hand up, fingers spread, palm out, 'no talking, mama, no talking' I admit, we probably chuckled the first time he said it which is bad news...giving him any amount of positive reinforcement for his behavior is a sure sign that it will happen again. Most often when we are all four in the van going somewhere and Wesley and I are in the front seat discussing our day or current events or weekend plans or whatever...we hear his little voice pleading, 'no talking, mama, no talking' Ok, then...how do we handle this situation? I say, 'No talking, ok, then no talking' We ride in silence before Wesley pipes up and says, 'Samuel, unless you want to be raised by a single parent, we're going to talk..that's how we get along..that's what we do, we talk.'


'NO TYPING'

Now that I am communicating more frequently via email with new moms and dads interested in my birthing classes or doula service, my time at the computer has increased much to Samuel's dismay. When he doesn't want me on the computer, he runs through his bag of tricks first throwing himself on the chair saying, 'sam's chair, no, no, no sit, mama, sam's chair' then when I remove him and get in the chair he climbs up on my lap in an effort to get his fingers on the keyboard, 'i typin, mama, i typin' When I wrestle him from the keyboard encouraging him to pick out a puzzle to do on the floor by my feet or a new book or Lincoln Logs, (it's not like he doesn't have enough to play with) he stubbornly starts in with the 'no typing, mama, no typing' and continues his chorus until there is no way I can type, because I can't THINK!

'NO WASHING DISHES'

This is his newest one(and easiest one for me to want to obey!)... a couple of nights ago when he finished his dinner and I took his bowl and tray to the sink, I made the mistake of turning on the water to rinse them out before getting him down from his highchair. Immediately, I hear him call out with intensity, 'NO WASHING DISHES!'

As I am writing this post, I struggle with the honesty of it because my interpretation of what is probably normal two year old behavior makes Samuel seem like a horribly impatient, rude little kid...which he is not :) He is particular and knows what he wants and doesn't want. He is fast exploring independence but still finding a balance between doing it 'by self' and needing mom's help.

Samuel is very busy, curious, and seems to thrive on social interactions and the reliving of events through storytelling. He hasn't found much fun in playing by himself and when it's quiet and I don't see him or hear him...I know he is up to something mischievousness. Yesterday morning, for example, he wasn't right under my feet and I couldn't hear him calling out for me to 'come, mama, come see' so I went looking for him, suspecting a situation. I found him standing on a stool in front of the stove dumping olive oil and salt in a pan. Me: 'Samuel, what are you doing?' Samuel: 'making dinner' I couldn't scold him because I know he was just imitating his dad and actually he did get it all in the pan which Wesley did later use.

So I am learning that while I spend the majority of my waking hours catering to Samuel's demands, I can't make it through the day without talking (to other adults), typing, or washing dishes...although some days it might be nice. Samuel is adjusting to the hard, cold lesson of 'not getting what I want when I want it' and beginning to cultivate patience. I am adjusting to the fact that as much as I love to give to Samuel, I don't have to give Samuel what he wants all the time...

Take your mind for a walk

Shedding, downsizing, de-cluttering. A process of cleaning out, the work has begun. Creating Myla's own sleeping space has meant a full on tackeling of the guest bedroom/junk room/storage closet. The cleaning out, sorting through, and making hard decisions to keep, give away, or throw out is in full swing, I'm not putting it off another day. Not that any of this is 'hard' work, it's just getting down to it, not procrastinating and tackling one pile, one bag, one box of 'stuff' until it's gone. In the process, I have been pleasantly reminded of a younger me thanks to a college notebook full of my 20ish year late night ramblings. Oh, it's taking me back..this one doesn't have a title.



Let your mind take a walk.
Let it loose. Set it outside.
It can be anything,
make it not be you.
A purple spotted cat
Can you see it?
Be a ceiling fan.
around, whoosh, around whoosh
until someone flips a switch
stop. stop spinning world
stop leaving me behind
Be a clock.
tick. tick.tick.
Don't think about what you know
tick.
Don't look for an explanation
Let your mind play outside.
Be a bucket of water
A scrambled egg with cheese, hot
Be a surfer in a wet suit being crushed by a wave
A pair of scissors chopping through a piece of yellow construction paper
Be a song, floating unattached to your skull


I wish I had written more of an ending. I flip the notebook page looking for more pencil scribbles but only find a list of next semesters class schedule.
Well, it was a nice break..and look, now, here I am procrastinating again.

Myla Ryan Fletcher has been alive five months and there's been no posts. Here she lies, or rather rolls, kicking, jabbing, at my feet cooing her song and contently gumming a wooden toy. She makes being in the moment so easy. Her peaceful, patient spirit creates ease with everything concerning her care; everything concerning her. Her very presence is enough to smooth my energy.

I look at her and a smile, so giving, shines back at me. Asking for nothing. Her eyes radiate love and genuine acceptance. I nuzzle kisses on her squishy belly, then under her chin roll and contagious giggles effortlessly chime in my ear. The purest of noises echoing through my senses cleansing all worries, all fears, and successfully eliminating the monkey brain chatter of 'i need to do this, did i do that?'

She makes being in the moment so easy. I could stay in it forever.

I look into her eyes and understand 'the windows to the soul' cliche. It's like an open, free for all, channel. I can feel all the good, all the positive, all the love in the whole universe. It is humbling and empowering all at once.

If Samuel's infant lesson to me was learning how to be present, being patient in the moment, surrendering, then Myla's is non-judgmental acceptance, openness to receive and give love. With Myla's gift, now it is clear to me, love abounds. It is circular and re-creates itself. If I can see the love in other people like I see it in her, the love in my life increases and then is more easily transferred to others. It is not a struggle, it is natural and feels right.